A Very Hairy Story

Poochie got her hair cut yesterday. As always, it was a traumatic experience, but (in my opinion, and more importantly, in Mom's opinion) worth it. I take her to Paw City Grooming in the CAL Ranch store on 7800 south and they do a wonderful job. It also helps that they only charge $45 to bathe and shave a dog of Poochie's size.
When I mentioned to Person A that I took my dog in to get her hair cut, they asked in that morally-superior, penny-pinching tone, "Why don't you do it yourself? You'd save a lot of money that way."
To which I replied, "Have you ever tried to put a band-aid on a dog's butt?"
Needless to say, that stopped the conversation right there.
The fact is, I used to shave Poochie down myself. I would go to Walmart, buy a clipper set for $20, and spend the next four and a half hours on the back patio covered in dog fur. Most of the time, her fur came out different lengths, but always quite a bit shorter than she had started out with. Then I'd wait a couple months for the fur to grow out, then go to Walmart and buy another set.
Poochie's fur wrecks havoc on clippers. She has a thick, wiry top coat and a soft, downy-smooth under coat. The wiry fur dulls the blades faster than a saw on concrete and the soft fur works its way into the clipper and jams the motor, causing the clippers to overheat. This necessitated that I purchase a new clipper set every time.
The last time I shaved her myself, I caused so much mental anguish, I didn't think she'd ever recover.
I had her almost finished - nothing left but the backs of her hind legs and around the base of her tail. I had long ago divested the clippers of the guide comb and used the bare blade. NEVER use a bare blade. Never, ever, ever. She ended up with razor rash on the underside of her tail and the backs of her thighs (a.k.a. her bum). I didn't actually know she had the rash until about 1:00 a.m. that night when I woke up to the glurp-glurp sounds of her licking. She didn't just lick it once or twice, it was a constant slurping sound that Did Not Stop. It went on for hours. I finally got up around 5:00 a.m. and covered her in band-aids. Band-aids do not stick well on furry bums. So, I got a clean strip of cloth, slathered it in Neosporin, and sort of wrapped it around her tail and legs like a diaper.
The next morning, it had fallen off and Poochie hid under the kitchen table, giving me wounded-eyed stares and tucking her tail firmly between her legs when she wasn't licking. She was impervious to my apologies, my bribes, and any comments along the lines of "But, you're much cooler now, right? Not so hot? Do you want an otter pop?"
So, yes, Poochie gets her hair cut professionally. She may balk a little bit, but I think it's all for show. After all, she remembers that razor rashes hurt and I remember that band-aids are not designed for the rear-ends of dogs.